Christmas was pretty good this year. I spent Christmas eve with my family, and Christmas day with Adam and his family. I got a lot of cool stuff, including the most gorgeous necklace from Adam. It's white gold, with three amethyst gems and some diamond chips, so it's very sparkly and shiny and beautiful. I love it, it's so perfect. And it's the first time anyone's given me gold before.

Anyway, I felt like doing this little survey thing again, I feel like it sums the year up pretty well. Plus, I like comparing them to previous ones, so I plan to do them every year.

( So here it is! )

And here's last year's.

I am feeling: sleepy

I quit my job today. Well, I put in my two week's notice. In two weeks, I will be moving to Lakewood, where I will be looking for work full time. Because it's hard to find a job when I work Monday through Friday, 10 am to 6:30 pm, especially when I'm looking in another city. So money will be a bit tight, but I've worked things out, and it'll be alright.

The nice thing is, this will be a sort of test before really moving in with Adam, before having a lease and such, so we'll be able to get a pretty good idea of whether or not we get along living together, and if we don't, we won't be stuck in a situation that's hard to get out of. I'm not too worried. Things will take some adjusting to, especially for me, since I've never lived with anyone but my parents and siblings before, but I love him, and I know this will work. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be with Adam for the rest of my life.

So I'm happy to finally be quitting. I'll finally be free from that crap place. December 1 will be my last day there. I'll still be stressed, but it'll be a different kind of stress, and it'll be change, which I so desperately need in my life. I'm excited to be able to spend more time with Adam, and to see how it is to live with him. I'm hoping it won't be too hard to find a job, and it won't take too long.

Just gotta keep rolling with the changes.

I am feeling: okay

So, a month ago, I saw the neurologist to figure out what was going on with my body. He said the MRI was perfectly normal, so the most likely cause was Pseudotumor Cerebri, which basically means too much spinal fluid in my body, causing pressure in my head. He scheduled a lumbar puncture (spinal tap), which would be used primarily as a diagnostic, but which would also maybe relieve the symptoms.

Today was the lumbar puncture. Adam took the day off work and went with me and my mom, and we went to the neurologist, who was just going to do it in the office. I was thinking it wouldn't be so bad, since needles don't really bother me. So I went in, and he started the procedure, and he gave me the shot to numb the area, which hurt a bit. Then he went in with the needle for the puncture, which hurt excruciatingly. Seriously, it was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life.

It felt kind of like being stabbed in the spine, but it also shot a jolt of pain down my right hip and leg, kind of like when you hit your funny bone, but a million times worse. It felt like being electrocuted or something. I was crying, screaming, and pretty much hyperventilating, it was terrible. I was squeezing my mom's hand so hard it left an imprint in my hand that lasted for half an hour afterwards. And poor Adam pretty much went into shock seeing me in so much pain.

It turns out that the needle was too short, and he couldn't actually get into my spinal cord, so the pain I kept feeling in jolts was him poking it over and over. After what felt like forever, but was probably about 5 minutes or so, he stopped, and said it wasn't working, and that I would need to get an X-ray guided LP at the hospital, with a longer needle. So we got that scheduled. He also gave me a prescription for Valium so I wouldn't be so hysterical.

So about 3 hours later, we head down to PVH. They wheeled me into the room on one of the beds, but they would only let one person come with me, since it was a small room. So I chose my mom, since she was calm through the first attempt.

I told them that I needed more epidural, since I had felt it so much (even though they said I'd really only feel pressure). They gave me one, then another one deeper into the tissue, neither of which I even really felt. Then they did the needle, and I felt it a bit, but then it was in and I didn't really feel it anymore. We waited while the fluid drained out, then they wheeled me back into the recovery room, where I was told to lay flat on my back for an hour to prevent a spinal headache.

Apparently, it's possible to leak spinal fluid due to pressure or something, and if that happens you get a terrible headache, and I would have to go to the ER and have a blood patch, where they would draw my blood and then insert it into the same hole they just used for the LP. So I lay still for an hour, and for a few days I have to really take it easy. No lifting anything over 5 pounds, no bending over, no twisting of the spine. So I am going to call in to work tomorrow and rest.

Hopefully this will be all I need to know what's wrong and to get a cure. And hopefully I will never, ever need another LP for the rest of my life. Although at least now I know to get the X-ray guided kind, with extra epidural.

It's so fun being me these days.

I am feeling: sore

I spent today in the emergency room. My arm has been hurting since I had the MRI done on the 5th. I saw my doctor on the 13th and he said it was inflamed, and that I had superficial phlebitis, which meant that the vein was scarred. He said the vein would probably never work again, but that since it was a superficial vein and not a deep one, it wouldn't cause any complications. He also said that the inflammation would be getting better soon.

Since Tuesday night, the pain has been excruciating. It has migrated up my arm, towards my heart, and I have had to take Ibuprofen around the clock for the pain to be manageable. Today, I called in sick and skipped work, mostly because I was tired, but also because of the pain. I called the hospital and spoke with a nurse in the radiology department, and told her what was going on. After she called my doctor, she called me back and told me to come in to the ER, because the pain was definitely not supposed to spread like that.

So I went in, and they did an ultrasound of my arm, and found out that I have a blood clot that has been getting bigger, which is why the pain was spreading. They said my body would destroy the clot on its own, but they put me on blood thinners so it would not clot more. Seems my blood was clotting faster than my body could fix it.

So the blood thinners are shots that I have to have twice a day, either in the back of my arm or in my stomach. They are subcutaneous. They gave me the first one at the hospital, in the back of my arm, and it hurt - a lot. And they said I'd have bruises from it, too. So thirteen more to do, and my mom is going to administer them for me.

They also gave me some heavier pain killers, and I'm not supposed to take Ibuprofen until I'm done with the shots. Also, if I have any stomach or head trauma, I have to go into the ER immediately, or I could have serious internal bleeding.

So I still don't know what's going on with my eyes, but at least I have another expensive medical problem to occupy my time until I see the neurologist next week. The shots cost me $180, and that's after insurance. I don't even know what the ER bill and ultrasound are going to cost. And I still haven't gotten a bill for the MRI.

Seriously, this year just keeps getting worse. How much more shit is my life going to throw at me? I don't know how much more I can take.

I am feeling: sore

Just to update you all on what's going on in my life right now, and also for my own records:

Last Friday, the day before my birthday, I went to Colorado vision Center for a routine eye exam, since it'd been two years since my last one and I figured I'd need new glasses and stuff. While I was there, they did a vision field test, where they check your peripheral vision. The peripheral vision in my right eye was pretty much perfect, but in my left eye, I had very little peripheral vision, especially on the right side. The optometrist I saw, Dr. Margaret Rado, who was a really sweet and kind person btw, was concerned by my lack of peripheral vision, so she did a couple more tests and took pictures of my retinas and looked into my eyes while dilated, etc.

What she found out was that I have elevated optic nerve heads. The optic nerve is supposed to be pretty much flat against the back of the eye where they meet, but for me, the optic nerve protrudes inside the eye. She said this was in both of my eyes, but worse in the left one. This is probably the cause of the loss of peripheral vision.

Now the reason for this could be something like too much spinal fluid in my head, or even a tumor, though it is unlikely that it's a tumor since it's in both eyes. But the point is, they need to figure out what is causing this, so that if it's something serious it can be fixed quickly.

Right now I have three doctors working on this, Dr. Rado, who found this problem; Dr. Jinich, my primary care physician; and Dr. Shacktman, who worked at the place that I used to go to for eye exams, and who can compare my past records. I will also be seeing a neurologist on August 28, Dr. Allen.

Dr. Jinich thinks it is unlikely that it is a serious neurological problem, since I do not have any sudden memory loss or coordination problems, but he still recommended that I get an MRI, just so they can start ruling things out, since right now they have no idea what's wrong.

So I went and got an MRI today, my first one ever. It was weird. The nurse put a washcloth over my eyes before I went in the tube part, and he said it was so I don't look around a lot, so they could see my eyes, too. But I think it was so I didn't get claustrophobic. Midway through they pulled me out so they could put the contrast dye in the IV in my hand, and as he put me back in for the last half, the washcloth had slipped, and I saw the inside of the tube and how close it was to me, and I got a wave of nausea. So I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths, and I was eventually fine. Other than that bit, it was just loud and weird, and I almost fell asleep towards the end.

So now I wait until they call me with the results for that, and wait to see the neurologist. And right now, my hand really hurts where they had the IV. It's probably going to leave a nasty bruise.

I am a little scared about what they find. And a little worried because I have a $5000 deductible on my insurance before they pay anything, so this could be really expensive. My parents have told me not to worry about that, and that they will take care of me, but I still feel bad for costing them this much.

So I will update when I have news. But I think I'll be okay, this probably isn't anything too serious.

I am feeling: worried

Been awhile since I've posted, so here is a brief update on my life right now. I should really be in bed, but meh.

I've seen the new Star Trek movie three times. First time with Adam and Chuck, second time with my dad for his birthday, and the third time with Adam again at the Imax. I did really like the movie. And I think Adam may succeed after all with his plan to turn me into a Trekkie. We shall see.

At the Imax I saw a preview for the Harry Potter movie, and had a nerdgasm/spaz-attack. I'm so freaking excited to see that. It was the first preview I've seen since the teasers that came out so long ago. I so want to see it right now, I don't want to wait until July. I've been re-reading all the books at work, for something to do when the call volume is low, and it's gotten me all excited about the series again. I'm almost done with the seventh one, and it'll only be the second time I've read that, so there were a lot of things I forgot about. I only read it the once when it came out ages ago. Oh, and I found some extra things while searching for the ebooks (since I work in a paperless environment, that's the only way I can read things). I found The Tales of Beedle the Bard and a chapter of the Harry Potter prequel, which I didn't even know existed. So I will be reading those soon, yay.

My job still sucks, but I will live. Someday I'll have a real job. I am getting really tired of all the bullshit, though. Every day it seems I find something new to hate. :P

I think I might delete my Myspace account. Myspace kind of sucks, and there really isn't much point in me having one. No one ever posts anything, no one ever comments on my shit, and frankly, I don't think it will make an ounce of difference if I lose it. Besides, I keep getting random creepy guys hitting on me, and it's just pissing me off. Hello, it says "in a relationship." Even if it didn't, you're retarded. And you can't spell. Losers.

Suppose I should go to bed now, since it's about an hour and a half past when I should have gone to bed. Oh well.

I am feeling: blah

I just had a dream that I was mailing frozen hot dogs to Ryan, who was living in New York.


....yeah.

tags: weird dreams

We put Butch down this morning. The vet said it would be the humane thing to do, and I agree. We were all there, my mom, dad, brother, and me, and we stroked her and told her we loved her as she left. She's at peace now. And I'm really going to miss that cat.

Thirteen years we had that cat. That's more than half my lifetime. She was the sweetest little kitty ever, and we were very lucky she was in our lives. She'll be missed, and she'll always be loved. She was a good little soul.



Goodbye, my love, my sweet baby kitty. I'll never forget you.

I am feeling: sad

My kitty is dying.

She's 13 years old and has had diabetes for about two years or so now. She'd been on insulin since she was diagnosed, and, for the most part, was fine. Up until a few weeks ago she was her normal self, cuddling with us on the couch, bringing us toys, and meowing really loud for attention. Then she got sick, with an infection in her pancreas, so she was on pain killers and antibiotics for awhile. She got better, and for awhile was back to normal.

But for the past few days, she has been off. She doesn't cuddle anymore, doesn't jump up onto the couches or beds, and seems really lethargic. She will just lie down on random spots on the floor, places where she never used to lie. She doesn't purr anymore. I haven't heard her meow in days. She's not eating anything, and any time she drinks water, she promptly throws it up. She's getting really thin.

It's very sad. We've had this cat for 13 years. She's my baby. And I don't think she's in pain, or suffering at all, but it's hard to say. If she is, then I'd rather she just be at peace. So at this point, it's like, what do we do? We have food and water available, not that it's any good, and we're letting her be, since she seems to want to be left alone. But what are we supposed to do? Taking her to the vet would probably be too traumatic right now. I guess my mom's going to call them tomorrow and see what to do.

I never even got video of her doing push push on the blankets. Now it's too late. It's like she's not even there anymore, like her soul's already gone.

I am feeling: numb

( Yay, a thingie )

It's fun to compare to last year's.

I am feeling: happy

I just got my first paycheck from Center Partners. I'm making so much more money than I've ever made at any other job, almost triple what I made working at the library. Plus I get incentives. So that's freaking awesome. Of course, now I have to start paying rent and paying my car insurance, plus I still need to get some temporary health insurance until I'm covered by my work. But still, I'm excited.

I am actually liking this job. The people there are pretty cool, and I've actually seen quite a few people that I used to know, mostly my brother's friends. Like Chase and Julia, who both work Capital One retention too. And it's really not so bad. I started taking calls yesterday, though I only took three, and the first one was an absolute disaster because I didn't know what to do or what to tell the guy and the person who was mentoring me had to finish the call for me when he asked for my supervisor. But the second two went pretty well. And all three were nice, at least. I'm sure I'll get some pretty crappy calls eventually, but I'll also get more comfortable and confident on the phone, so that will even it out.

So I am taking calls, and I'll never have to call anyone. Basically anyone who calls in to cancel their card, I have to try to convince them to keep it. I also deal with people who just want to lower their APR or raise their credit limit or whatever. And I'm learning quite a bit about credit cards, too, which is nice. Too bad I keep getting denied for them. I'm pretty sure it's because I don't have any credit cards, and no one wants to be my first. No one wants to pop that cherry. But my mom just put me as an authorized user on her Kohl's and Lane Bryant cards, so that will probably help, and then in a few months I'll try applying for my own card again.

Also, I've started playing World of Warcraft. It's actually pretty fun. But I'm not going to let it take over my life like I've known some people to do. I'll make sure real life comes first. Besides, I can't afford to get my own account right now, so I have to mooch off Adam's account, which means I can only play when he isn't.

I am feeling: hungry

I just had this dream that I was playing a video game, something that looked a lot like Ocarina of Time. Then my cell phone rang, in real life, which woke me up, and my first thought was to pause my game. So I woke up pressing an imaginary pause button with my thumb in midair.

I just thought it was funny.

I am feeling: amused

I got a new job today. I will be working at Center Partners. I'll be a Capital One agent, so I'm not sure if I'll be answering calls that customers have, or if I'll be doing telemarketing, or both. But either way, if won't be as fun as my library job. I'm very sad to leave that job. I've never had a job that I actually loved, one that I didn't want to leave. Usually I can't wait to get the fuck out of there. But I'm really going to miss working there.

It's a good thing I got the job, though. It pays $9.25 an hour, which is more than I'm making now, and it's full time, which I really needed. So I'll be making more money, so yay. And I get benefits, although I don't get them until 90 days after I start after my 3 weeks of training, so like 4 months from now. And I'm hoping by then I'll be able to move to Lakewood anyway, to be closer to Adam. Because it's kind of a pain in the ass to drive 70 miles to see my boyfriend. Plus if I lived closer I could see him more often.

So I guess I'll still need to look for a job there, and hopefully get one lined up and move by February. My brother's lease on his place is up then, and he wants to move out, so he said he might move there with me. Although now he's saying he'd rather live in Longmont or somewhere in between here and Denver, so he's still close to his friends. But I want to live closer to Adam. So we'll see. I'll figure something out.

I wish I could move there now, but there's no way I could afford it. At least now I'll be able to save up some money. That will help.

Anyway, I start my new job on November 17. My last day at the library is November 13. It will probably be a shitty job, but it needs to be done. So be nice to telemarketers; it might be me.

I am feeling: bittersweet

Watch this. Seriously.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhDRVKDcXQo

So I've been seeing this guy I met online, Adam, and we seem to click pretty nicely. The problem is he lives in Lakewood, so it's a long ass drive to see each other. It's kind of a pain in the ass, but it's worth it.

I was over there last night, and was driving home at about 2 in the morning. I was on I-25 around mile 220 or so, and I was probably going about 70 mph, but I hadn't seen any speed limit signs so I didn't really know what the speed limit is there. Especially since it changes every five miles, whereas near Fort Collins it's a constant 75 mph. Anyway, I was minding my own damn business, just trying to get home, not hurting anyone, when a cop pulled me over. And so I got a speeding ticket. $130 dollars, which seems like a lot for only going a little over the limit (well, 15 mph over) especially when I didn't know what the speed limit was. Also 2 more points off my license.

So there goes those potential delivery driver jobs I've applied for, the ones that require a clean driving record. All because some douchebag decided to ruin my night. And I had been having a really good night until then, and afterwards I was really pissed. Stupid cops, go catch a real criminal. I didn't hurt anybody. No one was even on that road, why is it such a big deal? Fuckers.

Good thing everything's made up and the points don't matter.

Oh wait, that's "Who's Line is it Anyway?"

Guess I won't be driving to Lakewood for awhile. Want to avoid the cop-nazis.

I am feeling: bitchy

Everyone should watch this movie. It's great.


http://www.drhorrible.com/mushortio.html

ATTENTION ALL MALES ON THIS PLANET:

There is more to me than my god damned boobs. Stop messaging me telling me they're nice. I don't fucking want to hear it.

I swear to god, I'm going to cut them off Amazon style.

I am feeling: pissed off

My cat is asleep on my bed. She's snoring, and her paws and whiskers keep twitching. It's the cutest thing ever.

I love her so much. <3



But I want to sleep, and I feel bad kicking her out. She's just too cute.

I am feeling: happy

So there's this phone number that keeps calling, and the caller id says it's 970-000-0000, so I have no idea who it is. I think it's one of those political survey ones or something. But it will call, and when I answer it just hangs up. It's seriously getting annoying. It calls about 25 times a day, about every half hour. It's driving me crazy.

I am feeling: annoyed

So I've been looking for a full time job with absolutely NO luck yet. The other day, I got a call from Employment Solutions, who I have registered with to try and find a job, and there was a job open. I didn't get the message until after 5, so I couldn't call back that day, so I called yesterday instead. I set my alarm for 9 so I could call early, but ended up sleeping through it, so I called at 11 instead. The woman who called, Heather, wasn't in, so I left a message on her voicemail.She never called back, so at around 3pm, I called again. She asked if I could hold, and then hung up. Or maybe my phone dropped the call, I don't know. But she never called back. So I called today, and it turns out someone else took the job. Well, thanks for answering your fucking phone, then. Bitch.

I am starting to think I won't have a full time job by the end of the year, and thus no benefits, and thus I am screwed.

So I just finally watched the Olympic closing ceremonies, since I never got around to it before. And It was freaking awesome. I was freaking out.

Lee Hom Wang singing, with Rain. Made me very happy. And I absolutely love Zhang Yi Mou. He's brilliant. No one will ever top those ceremonies, opening or closing.

And I found out the fireworks were all coordinated by Cai Guo Qiang, which made me freak out even more. He's probably my favorite artist. He's the guy who draws with gunpowder. If you don't know, you should look him up, his stuff is freaking awesome.

And they had panda mascots that they were throwing to the crowd!!! And I decided I wanted one, so I bought one off eBay. They're so cute. They have 5, but the panda is definitely the cutest.

They should release a dvd that has the opening and closing ceremonies on it. They have one with just the opening, but I want the closing, too.

I got an email back from Cassie, the person who interviewed me at CorTek. You know, the awesome job offer I had. Here's what it says:

"I would like to thank you for taking time out to come see and would like to inform you that we have chosen another candidate, but we would like to wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors and thank you again."

So fuck. I guess that means I need to work at a factory.

I am feeling: disappointed

I beat Final Fantasy VII for the first time. Finally. Ending was a bit anticlimactic. But still good.

And it didn't make Advent Children make more sense, so I guess that's just me. Maybe if I watch it again, I dunno.

And now on to Final Fantasy VIII.

I am feeling: accomplished

Yesterday was by 22nd birthday, and Krystle and I went and got tattoos. Here is a picture of mine.

( tattoo! )

I'm really happy with how it turned out.

I just got a call from someone who found my resume on monster.com. They want me to come in for an interview on Monday. It's a construction company, but they're offering me a job in administration.

So that would be cool if I got the job. Then I wouldn't have to worry too much anymore. And it sounds like it would be a pretty good job. So we'll see.

And they have two offices that they'd want me to switch between, in Loveland and Berthoud, which works because I wanted to live in Loveland anyway.

So, yay. I'm excited.

So I just saw Get Smart with my dad and brother. It was pretty funny. And Masi Oka was in it. I didn't know he was, so that was a nice surprise.

And then driving home I saw a sort of mini carnival in the parking lot at the mall. There was a ferris wheel, a tower of doom sort of ride, and a few others. So that was random. I heard absolutely nothing about that at all. I have no idea how long it will be there, or why it's there. If it's still there later I might check it out.

Apparently there was the same sort of thing in Loveland yesterday, that's what my parents said. Random.

I have spent a total of $623.39 on car repairs just this week. ;__; I took it to Grease Monkey, and then found out my power steering pump was leaking, which was causing all the noise and problems I'd been having. So I took it in to a place that they recommended, and now I'm poor, but at least my car works.

Goodbye, money. I'll miss you.

My car had better keep running for at least another year now. Shit, with my luck I'll be in an accident tomorrow and it'll be totaled. (please no)

I am feeling: quixotic

Hokay, so. Here are the details of my trip. This will be a very long post, but it's for my own record-keeping, so don't read it if you don't want to. I won't be offended, promise.

( Yeah, it's ridiculously long. )
-------

So, to sum it up:
- It was an awesome trip, and the things I saw were amazing.
- I had hives the entire time, which sucked.
- I sprained my ankle on 2000 year old steps, and spent the last half of the trip as a cripple.
- I bought some cool souvenirs, and took a lot of pictures and some video.
- In some ways the trip was comparable to boot camp, since it was so physically and mentally demanding.
- I have to go back to Italy and re-visit the Sistine Chapel, the Pantheon, the Duomo, and Pompeii, and maybe Vesuvius and go all the way up next time.
- I have to re-visit Greece to see the Acropolis and Pantheon, and the archaeological museum, and the rest of Delphi that I didn't see.
- This was both the best and the worst trip I have even been on. Didn't know that was even possible.

I am feeling: tired

Well, off I go on my trip to Italy and Greece. I'm pretty excited.

I should get back on the first of June.

And of course there are severe weather warnings going on right now. Fantastic. If my flight gets canceled, I'm not going to be too happy.

I am feeling: excited

I woke up today and was like "Shit! I'm going to Italy tomorrow!"

I feel really nervy about it for some reason.

But I'm also excited in a good way.

I am feeling: ecstatic

So my party last night was a lot of fun. This morning, not so much. I think I will take a bit of a hiatus from drinking for awhile. Waking up with a hangover two days in a row is not so fun.

But the party rocked. Ben came, which made me happy. We played Smash Brothers and Mario Kart. He said we should hang out more. And he gave me a hug at the end of the night. He's so cute. :D

We did karaoke, so I have some awesome video of that. It was great, though. My friends are so awesome.

I had a good night.

I am feeling: happy

Being hung over sucks. Especially when I have to work. And I have a party tonight. But last night was the most fun I've had in a long time.

I'm ready for round two, tonight. At least it'll be quieter than the bars are.

I got about 13 inches of my hair cut off today. It's weird to look at myself in the mirror. I've had it long for such a long time that it's just weird to have it short again. But I think it looks okay. And it will be more manageable for my trip.

It's still long enough to put in a ponytail. I had so much cut off and it's still past my shoulders.

So Brian (my history professor, group leader for my trip) just sent out an email with the itinerary for the trip, including flight and hotel information. I'm not too terribly excited about the flight part, because it will be long and uncomfortable. On the way there, we stop in Frankfurt, but it's a 4 hour layover, so no rushing through customs, yay. From past experiences, I can say with certainty that it SUCKS when you have to sprint to catch your flight. I'd much rather wait for a couple of hours at the gate than worry whether I will make my flight.

On the way back, we stop in Munich, and the layover is overnight. So we'll stay at a hotel there. Which is actually really cool, because I've never been to Germany, and even though I won't really have time to see much if anything at all, it will still be cool to be there overnight.

Actually seeing the information of when my flight leaves and what hotels I'll be staying in for how long really makes this seem more real. I've been excited about this trip for a long time, but it hasn't really hit me that I'm actually going to Italy and Greece until right now when I read that email. So I'll be gone for ten days, and I'm leaving on May 22. In exactly two weeks, I'll be on a plane to Rome. Well, Frankfurt, then Rome.

This trip is going to be so awesome. Shit, I still need to get some things ready for it. And today I just found out that Alisha is coming in from France next Wednesday and staying for a week and a half or so. So I'll get to see her for a bit right before I leave. That'll be fun too, of course, but I wonder how it's going to be with me planning and packing and being preoccupied. Still, I haven't seen her in two years, so I'm thrilled.

Now I definitely need to have an end-of-school/I'm-graduating party, since my Lishie-poo can be there.

I am feeling: excited

So I had to run to Wal-mart just now to get emergency art supplies for the project that was actually due Monday. While I was leaving, I head the fox noise. Krystle was right, it is creepy as all fuck. "alien baby screaming" was an accurate description. Even knowing what it was, it was still freaky. Especially at 2 am.

Fucking foxes. Why can't they make cute noises instead?

I am feeling: sleepy

22 innings, and it's still going. Come on Rockies, it can't be that hard to score another run. This game's been going on for six hours.

I'm too tired to wait it out. I'll find out who won tomorrow.

It'd be funny if I woke up and they were still playing. :D

EDIT: Nevermind, they just won. 2 - 1 in the 22nd inning. W00t.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TStoWrhgAQ8

I so want a kitten.

I feel like I have the flu. My head is killing me, all my muscles hurt, and I've been coughing all day. And I'm really tired. And now I feel like I'm going to throw up, but that's probably just because I'm incredibly tired.

I'm so tired of being sick. I'm ready to feel better now. Please?

Crappy body. Crappy immune system.

I still have some homework to finish, but I just want to sleep so badly. Maybe I'll just turn my painting in late. And not do my biology. I'm acing bio anyway, and she drops the lowest lab report, so I don't really need to do it.

Yeah, sleep sounds good. Fuck responsibility.

I am feeling: sick

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Distant_Worlds:_Music_from_Final_Fantasy

Nobuo is doing another concert. A world tour. And he'll be in Chicago on March 1. HE'LL BE IN CHICAGO. There are tickets available. I have relatives who live there. WHY couldn't I have found this out a few months ago, when I could have actually planned it and gone? WHY?

They're doing the opera. They're doing the fucking opera. That would be LIFE-ALTERING to see it live.

Oh, and there's more.

"When you purchase a $150.00 ticket, it comes with a after concert meet and greet session with Nobuo Uematsu, a copy of the new Distant Worlds: music from Final Fantasy CD, and a special tour program book. This can be redeemed at the venue on day of show."

I would KILL to meet him.

Actually, I just searched, and the $150 tickets are gone. But there are other seats.

God damnit, why couldn't I have found this sooner?

This is the most depressing thing I've found. I REALLY hope he does another world tour, and I find out soon enough to go.

Krystle, for me this is like if Arashi came to the US and you found out too late to go. I'm so depressed.

Shit, there's more! There's this Tour de Japon thing! Why can't I go to concerts like these??? WHY?

This music is so beautiful, so moving, it makes me cry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMIv94qVraY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAzQERH7BjY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzz5cVt70j8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UODCxAtyDo



Lovelovelovelovelovelovelove! <3


EDIT: Yes, that is Nobuo Uematsu that comes out during the Final Fantasy theme. I don't care that he's almost 30 years older than me. I'd still have his babies.

I am feeling: ecstatic

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

I just about had an aneurysm.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uu8QWqgDYU&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gOaXXjlZf0&feature=related



I'm going to marry Nobuo Uematsu. I love him.

If he and Koji Kondo had a love-child, it would be the God of Music.

I am feeling: squeeee!!!!

Ok, people. We're in college. Can we PLEASE act like adults? That means don't bring INTERNET DRAMA into an ONLINE CLASS. Seriously, you're retarded.

So we have to do these discussions things in my online Humanities class, and we have to post four times per unit, so four times a week. Two of those posts have to be answers to the questions the teacher posts, and two have to be responses to students, to create a discussion.

So the question the teacher posted was "Some say that ballet was the ultimate expression of the romantic imagination. Others would argue that grand opera more fully captures that imagination. Discuss and/or debate." NOTICE, SHE SAID DEBATE. THAT MEANS YOU STATE YOUR OPINIONS IN A MATURE WAY, RIGHT?

So, this chick, Desirae, who is WAY too uptight, posted as a response to her question "I would have to say it's a personal preference. I think Opera has a little more presence and emotion than ballet, just because Opera is a little more loud and vibrant." Obviously it's a personal preference, dumbass. It's a debate.

Anyway, I responded - ONLY to get my points for the week, and because NO ONE ESLE had posted - with "Desirae -

Ballet can have a lot of emotion, too, though. The orchestra music can be just as loud as the opera singing, and the dancers can show as much emotion in their movements as opera singers have in their voices.

Personally, I think it might be easier to convey emotion through dance, and it seems more universal, whereas opera if you don't know the language you might not understand it the way it was meant to be understood."

No argumentative tone, nothing rude, just MY opinion. Well, she didn't take it that way. She responded with "True. However, I said it was a personal preference. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer." O RLY? NO WAI!

Someone else responded to my response with "I think it is more of a personal preference really. I mean if yo enjoy Opera and have a passion for it then obviously you would think that Opera was the better choice here and visa versa if you enjoyed Ballet. i think Dance and Singing and Painting and whatever other form of art there is is a personal preference and can be enjoyed to its fullest based on the person intaking the art. I dont think there is a right or wrong answer in this question/debate."

In which she then responded with "Thanks for this. I did as well say that I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. However some are taking this quesition a wee bit personal :)"

Gee, who do you think she was directing that towards? She's the ONLY ONE taking it personally. WHAT THE FUCK?

I've responded to her posts before, because she's usually the first one to post, and I don't really have any other choice. And EVERY TIME she has taken what I've said as a personal insult towards her.

Srsly, people. GROW THE FUCK UP ALREADY.


Christ, I hate people.

I am feeling: bitchy

Well, I feel stupid. I have this online class, Humanities, and everything for the week is due 11:55 pm Sunday night. I had a quiz that I was stressing over last week, and I just found out now that it wasn't actually die until NEXT Sunday. She gave us two weeks. If I had known that, I would have done more of the reading, and actually have been prepared, instead of just bullshitting an answer. Fuck.

I have painting today, and I love that class. Even though I'm not good, I still like it. But for some reason, I am really not wanting to go. It was like that yesterday for drawing and biology. I like my classes, so why do I want to ditch? What's wrong with me? Part of it is that I'm so tired because I'm not sleeping enough, and I still feel sick. I've felt sick since school started, pretty much.

One more semester. A couple more months. I can do this.

So for some INSANE reason, the Marriott for NDK is already booked up, 9 months in advance. Is anyone planning to go that has a room that I could possibly stay in?

I could just use a nearby hotel, but that's really annoying, and I actually was planning to cosplay this year, which would be a lot easier if I had a room there, so I could keep all my stuff there and not have to walk around outside in costume.

Please please please someone have a room.

Krystle, could you ask your friends if they have one, and if they'd mind if I stayed in it with them? I'll bring our inflatable bed and sleep on the floor if I have to.

http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=293954>1=7701

Why him? Why? I liked him. It's so sad.

I cried when I read that.

I am feeling: sad

Stolen from Cathy because I felt like it.


1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Traveled outside of the United States. I went to England and France.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No I didn't, and no, I didn't make any.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
England and France

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
My own apartment.

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 12. I saw Daniel Radcliffe naked. And was like three feet away from him.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Surviving this past semester, and passing my classes.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Having a mental breakdown.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Many times, but none too drastic. The physical ones, anyway.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My plane ticket to London.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My mom's and sister's. They know why.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Austin's and Peter's. And myself, I suppose.

14. Where did most of your money go?
To Wizziwig, mostly for San-X products. They own my soul.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to England.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Songs don't remind me of years.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
I. happier or sadder? Probably about the same.
II. thinner or fatter? Same.
III. richer or poorer? Pretty much exactly the same.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Sleeping. I never can seem to get enough.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Arguments with family, procrastination.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it at home with my family, including my sister, who flew out to stay with us for awhile.

21. [like last year, there is no question 21]
Okay.

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
I thought I did, but it turns out it was just gas.

23. How many one-night stands?
One, plus one two-night stand.

24. What was your favourite TV program?
I really got into House this year. I know, I was late. Oh well. That and Heroes. (Was that this past year? I don't know.)

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't hate anyone. I just want certain people to suffer.

26. What was the best book you read?
Memoirs of a Geisha, or Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The song B-Dash by Tongari Kids. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5j8nS0vQ5yw

28. What did you want and get?
A job at the library.

29. [apparently, there's no question 29 this year either]
Right on.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
Across the Universe, or Sweeney Todd. Both rocked my socks.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 21, so I had a party at my house and did jell-o shots with my friends. And I was hung over the next day.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Men not turning out to be complete assholes and a waste of my time and energy.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
I wear cheap clothes that fit. Usually Wal-Mart stuff.

34. What kept you sane?
Music.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Johnny Depp.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Our current president still being a dipshit.

37. Who did you miss?
Cathy, Alisha, my sister, and my cousins in Illinois.

38. Who was the best new person that you met?
Kathy. She's a good friend.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
Don't ever fall for someone. Let them fall for you instead, because then you can break their heart instead of the other way around.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

You don't know how much I need you
While you're near me I don't feel blue
And when we kiss I know that you need me too
I can't believe I found a love thats so pure and true

But it all was bullshit
It was a god damn joke
And when I think of you [insert name here]
I hope you fucking choke

I hope you're glad with what you've done to me
I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy
You left me here all alone, tears running constantly

Oh somebody kill me please
Somebody kill me please
I'm on my knees
Pretty pretty please kill me
I want to die
Put a bullet in my head

I had another strange dream last night. This time, I was drinking bubble tea with Ohno. Then we went to a playground, which I think was supposed to be Beattie, but it had all this Ninja Warrior-type equipment. But there were swings, and Ohno and I were swinging. He told me we should hang out more, he said something like, "we are friends, aren't we?" And I told him yeah, we were, and I did want to get to know him better, so we should hang out more. And Krystle was there, but she was all the way across the playground, like she was afraid to come over to us. She yelled something at us about how Ohno's sunglasses were really cute (they were huge purple aviators) so I yelled "Krystle!" to get her attention, and when she looked I made the "I heart you" gesture with my hands, and then Ohno did the same thing after seeing me do it. And Krystle just giggled. At one point, Ohno and I were swinging in sync together, so I told him "Ohno! We're married!" And he was like, "What? Oh, okay. Good."

And just when I was about to try one of the Ninja Warrior obstacles, my alarm went off.

tags: weird dreams

Happy 2008, everyone.

Same shit, different year. Nothing's changed.